Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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