On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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