Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
