i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize