DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
