No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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