The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
