my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
