1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
