I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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