that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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