Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
