not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
