you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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