Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
