Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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