sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
