My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
