just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
