I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
