found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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