How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize