the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
im six kinds of drunk right now
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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