i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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