well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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