just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
