Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
