I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
