I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
