Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
