The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The feeling are messing with the penis
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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