you would pick up someone in the library
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
