So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
