I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
