i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize