The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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