My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
