note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
