I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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