I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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