They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Be still, my beating vagina.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize