I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
