So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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