ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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