i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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