dude i'm inner monologue high
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
