Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
