Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
