I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
