I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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