you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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