guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
