Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
