She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
