i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
