Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
