She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize