he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
