Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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