Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize