I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
