rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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