you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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