did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize