We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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