If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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