Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
