Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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