Kiss
Puke
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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