I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You are a genius and a whore.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
