She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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