I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize