we made out on top of his cat.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
