The maid of honor just puked.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
