Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
