I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
