Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
