There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
