I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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