There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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