Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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