I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
No subtext here. People are naked.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
