Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
