Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Dick very happy bro
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
