TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
