I'm gonna have a badass scar
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
