I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
