Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think I sprained my soul last night
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
