he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize