did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
