So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
