I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
