My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
