He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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