why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
