My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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