went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
