After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
