hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
