he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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