Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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