so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize