Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
