So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My life is pants optional.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
